No More No More - 06.22.98

The morning that I quit my job was like every morning in all respects except for one- I was nervous as hell. I had known for several days that I was going to give my notice, but I still wasn't quite sure what words I was going to use and just how everyone would react. I had been there for 11 months and I got along with everyone that I worked with, so I didn't hate the job I was leaving. It simply wasn't working well anymore and something better came up.

From the moment my alarm clock went off, I knew that it was going to be a long day until I gave my notice. I turned on the stereo, hoping that my thoughts would somehow be diverted. Like I had for the past several days before that, I practiced what I would say in every situation and ran over my answers for every question I thought that they may ask me. It was as if I were going to be in a play and I was memorizing my lines.

On the way to work, I decided that I would wait until just after lunch to tell my supervisor the news. I'm not sure why I rationalized that time as the best, but it made me feel better knowing that I wouldn't have to say anything until after I had been at work for awhile. It would give me time to think things over just a little bit more and get comfortable with everything.

As soon as I had walked into the building and sat down at my desk, I knew that I couldn't wait until noon or after. While my computer was booting up, I could literally feel my heart beating and knew that I should just go ahead with it.

I ditched the whole idea of saying my lines and walked directly into my supervisors office and told them that I needed to talk. Although I had gone over what I was going to say several times in the past several days, I know that I stumbled through what I had to say. As I had suspected, they had no idea that I had even applied for another job, and were surprised by my announcement.

After a few moments of discussion with my supervisor, though, everything went back to normal. I had gotten my big news off my conscious, and as I had suspected, the worst part of the whole ordeal was the actual action on my part to initially bring up my leaving. I had never been in that situation, and because of it, feared that one moment where I wasn't sure what would happen. It certainly was a better situation than still sitting there, wondering when I would once again have things to work on and whether I should do anything about it.