Just A Bit Nervous - 04.27.98

Having done this all before, I know that I shouldn't be nervous about it but that thought never seems to make things any easier. Looking at my surroundings, I enter the room somewhat awkwardly and she follows close behind me.

As happens every time, I wonder where I should sit, and she points me to a chair in the corner. After sitting down and trying to look away for as long as possible, I finally turn my eyes toward her. She knows that I feel strange under the circumstances, as I expressed it to her when I first came in. A smile on her face sets my mind at ease for a few moments, but I soon realize where I am and what I came here to do. I look at her while she's talking and realize just how much of a pro she is at this. She's been doing this routine for years, and I know that to her I'm just another paying customer.

After a few more questions, she hands me some clothes and tells me to put them on, as I will be more comfortable that way. She says that she will be back in five minutes or so and leaves me in the room to change alone. As the door shuts, the nervousness again subsides a bit, but comes back as soon as I begin taking my clothes off. I fold them carefully and stack them up neatly on the chair that I just got out of. The room is slightly cold and even though there are some decorations on the wall, it still manages to seem impersonal. Even the bed is hard, so I bounce on the edge of it just a couple times to try and settle down my nerves a bit.

After what seems like an eternity, she knocks ever so quietly and I tell her to come in. She makes her way across the room to me and I again realize how many times that she must have gone through this all and how much I must seem like a boy in my manners. I feel her fingers on my skin and I tense up as usual. The moment of action finally arrives, and I hear her softly speak again.

"Please turn your head and cough."