Re:(Elation?)ship Thoughts Part 4 - 09.25.00

Looking back, I think that the different times I wrote a piece like this (numbers 1, 2, and 3) were during moments where I was thinking a lot about relationships (both past and possible future) and I had conversations and ideas running through my head. This round, however, is more inspired by me actually not thinking about relationships at all and whether it will differ from the others in tone and or style. It's mainly just an experiment for me to see if I can come up with something decently interesting again, then compare to the other pieces in a month or so after it's sat for awhile. Oh, and explaining the title (as someone asked), "Re:" is short for "Reply," while "elation?" in the middle of "Relationship" is a quick way of saying that all things about relationships aren't always happy (but that's what makes them so interesting). To put it all in sentence form, it's my replies (that may or may not be happy or funny) on relationships to whomever reads this.

"So, I was thinking the other day that I wish physical items that were related to feelings you had in the past would sometimes just dissolve and fade away like the feelings themselves."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, like the cards or presents that you've given to someone you've been seeing. In some cases, you probably wrote things you were feeling at the time, but now realize that although your feelings have completely disappeared for that person, they still have something physical that says otherwise."

"That's true, but you're also assuming that they didn't burn everything you gave them when you stopped going out."

We were sitting in the cafe having a bit to eat when someone walked by and I did a double-take at them. It was a girl I'd had a crush on a long while back and I hadn't seen her in nearly a year. The girl I was with noticed this, however, and asked me what I was looking at. I quickly told her the story and she looked out the window to the girl walking down the sidewalk away from us.

After only a short time, she looked back around and reassuringly said, "Well...her ass is way bigger than mine."

"Looking back, it would be really hard for me to do something like that again, knowing that I could have gotten sick from it. I guess that's what it's all about it college, though, being a little bit reckless and sometimes not caring about things like that."

"Wow. You've never told me about this side of your college life before."

"No, no, it was nothing like that. I kissed this girl one time when she had strep throat."

It was just some lazy afternoon when I was suddenly reminded of a girl whom I'd thought was really cool when I was younger. She was probably my first ever crush (sometime around 4th grade or so) and seemed like the smartest and prettiest girl I knew. She'd moved away when we were in about 7th grade, but I'd always hear little bits of information from different people who knew what her family was doing and even remembered hearing what college she headed off to.

That was 6 years ago, though, and I thought I'd try to see if I could find anything about her on the internet. To my (somewhat) surprise, it was rather easy and I had an e-mail for her within only a few short moments. After trying to decide whether to even bother her, I sat there and wrote a friendly, nice e-mail that just sort of told her what I was doing and that she could write me back if she wanted or simply let bygones be bygones.

She chose the latter.

"I know this is going to sound cheesy and everything, but I've always had this daydream where I'm running through a big grass field barefoot and there's a big rainstorm taking place. I'm holding hands with a girl and we're both completely drenched and we run through puddles and laugh and kiss."

"So what's stopping you?"

"Ummmm. There's no rain...or girl."

I used to think that the best route was to simply be a bachelor my entire life, then I met people that made me feel otherwise. I used to also consider myself a love cynic who would fall in love, but even that happened at one point and melted away that cold layer of me. Now, I try not to consider myself anything or think ahead too much. It's those surprises that are always the best anyway.