Hitting Bottom (But Bouncing Upward) - 02.22.99

Now that I'm comfortably past that point, I think it's finally safe to admit that I posting on a singles board quite some time ago. I wasn't really serious about it in the first place (although in my desperation I probably would have responded had I gotten a serious enough inquiry), but rather did it as sort of an experiment to see what would happen.

Back in the day, I was going through sort of a strange time where I thought that I absolutely needed to be seeing someone. I had just recently moved to a new town into my first apartment and really didn't know anyone, let alone anybody that I would date. I wasn't quite sure if I needed to be dating someone or just a good friend, but I was sure that I needed someone. At first, I thought about putting something in the local paper to see if I would get a response, but then decided that it would be more like me if I went online for the local listings and went about it that way.

The first thing that I did upon deciding that I was going to actually go through with it was formulate a plan. Figuring that some people on the board would respond to anything and everything, I decided that the best way to go about things would be if I wrote my description so specific (yet about things that I was interested in), that nobody would respond unless they had some idea what I was talking about (and I actually stated this last point in my description as well). Besides my ultra-specific wants, I named obscure bands that I liked, as well as a couple lesser-known authors that I enjoyed reading and other strange references. Sure, it was very picky and self-serving, but that was the only way that I was going to even think about doing such a thing. I already felt like enough of a loser just doing it in the first place. I'm not saying that everyone who posts a singles listing is a loser, after all I did it, but it isn't exactly good for the morale.

With my description written, I posted it to the board and found that I was one of 140 listings for my local area. Out of curiousity, I decided to scroll through some of the other entries and see what I had gotten myself into. While some of them were legitimate (and legitimately boring), a great deal of them seemed to be from high-school aged kids and several of them were solicitations from people with severe fetishes.

I found that my plan to go online had really sort of flipped on me. Instead of being more savvy entries of professional types, most of the entries were online simply because they were things that couldn't have been printed in the paper here. It was basically a haven for underage fun, swingers postings, and / or just about anything else I could have thought of.

After reading some of those entries, I left the board and decided that I would check my mailbox there again in a month or so. Since it wasn't something I was too urgent about anyway, I didn't think it would hurt if I let anything sit that long, especially if I wasn't too serious about it.

After a couple days had passed, I almost completely forgot that I had posted anything. About a month and a half later, I remembered and decided I should go and check things out just in case. When I was opening my mailbox there at the board, I thought I would either have a ton of entries (many of which would be stupid) or perhaps just have a couple that recognized little chunks of my description and became interested.

When it finally opened, I found exactly zero messages waiting for me. Over the course of almost 50 days, not one lonely high-school student or crazy fetish person had dropped me a line to find out more. At first a slight feeling of rejection went through me, but then I realized just how excellent it was. It was just another confirmation that I wasn't compatible with anyone. While I wasn't completely gloating (after all, I did have to take into account the majority of clientele I had seen listed), I did feel a sort of boost in my unique-ness. It was good to be different.

So, even though I didn't find any hot action online or have any crazy rendevous', I did have quite a bit of fun with my singles board posting after all. Since that was my intention in the first place, I didn't even feel bad with myself after having done it. A little dirty maybe, but still no harm done.